Mother’s Day

When I was young, I liked Mother’s Day. I always dreamed of how nice it would be to be a mom. My mom was awesome and I couldn’t wait to be just like her.  As I got a little older, we started making Mother’s Day weekend a “girls’ weekend”. My mom, sister and I would get together and spend the whole weekend doing girly things. We would watch our favorite chick flicks, eat out at our favorite restaurants, get pedicures, anything that we wanted that didn’t involve “the boys”.

After we lost our first baby, I remember someone wishing me a Happy Mother’s Day, and I burst into tears. I felt awful. How can you be a mother and have no baby to show for it? I had never felt so empty. I remember spending that weekend with my mom and sister and feeling like I could cry at any moment. My mom assured me that I was indeed a mother to my angel baby, and that one day I would have a sweet baby to hold and call my own. We shared a little cry and a hug. I felt again, that I couldn’t wait to be like my mom.

After our second loss, I was really trying to move on. Mother’s Day came around once more and I was more chipper, but still in my head and my heart I felt empty. I’d started counseling and that helped, but I still longed to have a baby to hold. We spent our girls’ day on Tybee Island. We had a yummy breakfast, went for a walk on the beach, had a cocktail on the pier, and finished the day at our favorite seafood place. We were silly and it helped keep my mind off of things. While we were having dinner, we looked over at the river and saw a mother dolphin helping her baby to the surface. It was incredible. It was the second time that year that I’d seen this happen. I know several people that say they’ve never seen anything like it, so I felt certain that this was sign for me. We sat and talked about what this could mean. I prayed, “Dear Lord, I am open to your plan. I am ready for whatever you have in store for me.” I couldn’t help but think that maybe the next year I would have a baby…

When I found out I was pregnant, I was pretty excited to have a May due date. I was certain that I would actually deliver my baby on Mother’s Day.  I’d been at a meeting last school year and written the date for Mother’s Day this year.  My friend noticed and said that something important would happen that day. Well, I didn’t deliver on Mother’s Day, but I made it the week prior. I couldn’t be happier to be included in the Mother’s Day group. It was so nice to have my baby in my arms, to have strangers wishing me a happy mother’s day, and to be there to participate not just as a spectator in the family dinner. It was such a strange feeling to be on this side of things. While I’ve known the heartache, and I will never forget my angel babies, it is so wonderful to have a baby here. I wake up every morning and just pray prayers of thanks for this blessing I’ve been given, to be a mother, and to have my sweet baby in my arms. Having my little man to hold makes it hard to remember how awful I felt before, how empty I felt. I know that part of that comes from the faith I’ve built and part comes from having a baby. But, without a doubt, this Mother’s Day was the BEST Mother’s Day there ever was.

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