After two weeks of listening to the sermon series about telling your story and living a Christ driven life by sharing your story, I’ve decided that I need to get back to this… It’s definitely a sign. So, here I am.
On Friday, I went back to MUSC. My sweet Momma accompanied me, as Miles had an appointment of his own to go to. I woke up eager to go and see my sweet little baby. I wasn’t worried. The words from a friend’s mom echoed in my head, ” All is well. All is well.” My mom commented on how I didn’t seem nervous, and I wasn’t. I felt like I had seen my baby bumping in belly and this baby would be mine to have here. It’s taken some time, prayers, and faith, but I am finally starting to let go of my worry. I am starting to enjoy this pregnancy without the worry of the past things, and I am allowing myself to plan for the future. I started ordering things for the nursery. With the first pregnancy, I bought crib bedding and had a crib in my house when I received the bad news. I remember returning the bedding and feeling an incredible sadness that maybe I would never be able to put together a nursery. With my last pregnancy, I window shopped for nursery things, but was never brave enough to actually order anything.
I remember feeling hesitant with the last pregnancy about talking about a baby shower or even registering. I let my nerves get the best of me and was still so angry with God about my previous loss that I didn’t fully enjoy my time with my baby. This time, I refuse to let that attack on my faith. I know that He is in control. I know that the past was meant for me to tell my story, to reach out to others, and to share my journey with Christ through this.
I’ve been singing some of my favorite songs, but still Great Is Thy Faithfulness is at the top of my list and Healer is a close second. I know that HE IS MY HEALER, and He is faithful beyond measure. I am in awe of the greatness, the miracle that is happening within me. I am so utterly thankful to given this blessing.
I’ve started reading my little man as I take my bath in the evenings. We’ve started with Charlotte’s Web. It has always been one of my favorites, and I feel as though I should be sharing my favorite with him. It was in the bathtub that I saw Baby Ray move for the first time. I’ve come to love my evening with him. Just time for the two of us. I feel like I’m getting to know him, and honestly beyond 20 weeks, I have no sense of what to expect. I am so looking forward to continuing our bonding and continuing to share my story. 🙂
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