Well, so far things are going well. Besides the ridiculous amount of sleep I am needing, my appetite is picking up. I’m craving Snickers and fruit. Things seem to be progressing beautifully. We have scheduled out appointment with MUSC. We go on Friday at 1:30.
I’ve come to dread those four letters… MUSC. I’ve found that those letters send chills down my spine and put an inexplicable sadness in my heart. I am absolutely dreading going on Friday. I’m just feeling so apprehensive about all of it, and I feel overwhelmed when I start to think about it all. I’m praying constantly and trying not to think about the what ifs. I just want to have a family so badly.
Recently, a friend of Miles’ moved in with us with his family. They have a little girl. Hearing her funny two year old vocabulary is heart-warming. I’m enjoying seeing her run around the house and play with all sorts of things. It reminds me that there is hope, and I daydream about what my little one will look like and sound like. I continue to pray that I will have the joy of being able to see my baby in our home, and watch them grow and learn.
It seems so simple and just the natural order of things, and yet, I worry I will never get to have that joy. I think I will feel better after our trip to MUSC, and we have the results from the blood work back. I’m just praying that this time is THE time. I’m preparing for the best. I’m looking at baby things, and making savings plans. I’m thinking about household things to get done before the baby comes. I am preparing my heart for welcoming this baby, but in the back of my mind is always that, “what if you don’t get that opportunity? What if I don’t get to see my baby’s face? What if I don’t get to touch my baby?”
Those are the thoughts that scare me. I’m really trying to focus on the positive. I have so many wonderful people around me helping to keep my spirits up and keep me encouraged. Generally, I feel positive about it all. But right now, with this appointment looming, I’m just feeling a little scared and worried.
Please be with us now and always. I want to walk closely with you. I want these thoughts to leave and You to be ever present. I want to have my family. I want to grow our family. I want to hold my baby and watch him/her grow. Lord, hear my prayer.
- Posted in: Uncategorized