Week 9

This week has been a tough one. I’ve been fighting a cold and cough. I’ve been trying to save my days so that I will have time to take off at the end of the school year when the baby comes. Well, as with any plan, it’s not going as planned. I had to take a half day on Monday and a day on Tuesday to take care of me, and the baby. I’m trying so hard to do the “right” things, even when I’m not sure what that is. I’m tired and flighty lately. I’m somewhat testy with Miles, and I don’t mean to be. I’m just going over so much in my head ( and so much is happening in my body). Here is my crazy train of thought so far…

1. I’m growing so quickly. 🙂 I love seeing how everything changes and predicting what is to come. I’ve started to take weekly pictures of this journey to document the growth.

2. I’m not liking meats right now, or pumpkin (apparently) so I’ve been really trying to find other ways to get protein and the proper nutrients for baby and me. That gets me a little worried, but I know it’s just a phase.

3. The nausea is dying down, the cough is subsiding, and I had an appetite yesterday! And when I was hungry, I was REALLY hungry! 🙂 I’ve been worried about my weight because I’ve lost 4 pounds while being so nauseated and sick with this cough. Nothing to really worry about, but I want to make sure I’m doing the right things.

4. We were able to hear the heartbeat on Friday at our appointment, and see the baby wiggle. It was so wonderful and comforting. It really helps ease my worries to see and hear everything.

5. We go to MUSC next week, and that has me kinda tied in knots. I’m terrified to go back. I don’t want there to be something… not this time. I keep praying, and trying to rid myself of this feeling, but it’s constantly in the back of my mind. I’m really anxious about all of this…

6. We have picked out a name for a girl, Evalynn (Joy or Grace?) I like Evalynn Joy, but Miles likes Grace better. Again, still nervous. I remember picking names for our other babies… It just makes me uneasy where I should be just joyful. For a boy, Sandtford Raymond, after Miles’ great pappa.

7. I know I won’t have enough days  at the end of the year, so at least part of my maternity leave will be unpaid. So, I’m nervous about that. How are you supposed to have a new baby and no income??? We are working on a SUPER savings plan. Again, I’m praying that we will be lead to a path that makes everything okay. If He leads you to it…

8. I’m so emotional right now. One minute I’m content, the next I’m annoyed… Really need to work on getting that under control. At least for Miles’ sake. 😦

9. Our families have been wonderful and supportive, as usual. I am so grateful for their positivity and happiness, it really helps me put things into perspective.

10. Finally (Well, not really but for now), I’m alternating between sheer awe and excitement and faith, and fear and worries. I’m praying for us, and I know others are praying for us, and I’ve dreamed about holding my baby, while a friend’s baby was toddling around. I’ve never dreamed about holding my baby before. That dream leans me toward faith and excitement. But, I would be lying if I said I was without fear. I’m trying to be faithful and brave, but, on the inside, I’m kinda nervous…

Lord,

Please be near. I know you know how much I want this little blessing, and I want to be able to hold my baby. Help me to let go of the questions and the worries. Lead me to the path that you have already planned for us. I am so grateful for all that we have so far, and I ask you to just stay near to me, working in and through me.

In Your Wonderful Name,

Amen.

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